hate it.

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I have spent more time than I’d like to admit in restaurants, bars, fast food eateries, diners, pubs, sandwich shops, and cafes.

This has given me sufficient time and experience to analyze every aspect of the restaurant industry that I loathe and despise.

Well, I’ll go in numerical order.

1. Waiters that sit next to you when they are taking your order. I really really don’t like this. I understand being a waiter is a shitty job and lord knows the only thing in the world you probably want to do is sit down but it’s like breaking the fourth wall in a movie or a play or something and trying to get “buddy buddy” with the audience. It just ends in awkwardness and a terrible or nonexistent tip.

2. Overly friendly waiters that ask for your name when they are taking your order then decide they have instantly become close enough friends with you to constantly repeat your name whenever possible. See #1, note awkwardness. But beyond that, I think it should be an obvious rule of thumb to NEVER constantly repeat someone’s name whom you’ve just met. Right? What are you trying to prove? That you remember their name? It’s okay if you don’t. They probably don’t remember your name either.

3. Groups of diners who have, say, 2-3 people in said group yet decide it is their god given right to take the big table with the comfy chairs and or booths. Seriously you guys? Take one for the fucking team. Sit at the table that is the size of your group. It’s common courtesy. Otherwise, you’re just being a dick.

4. COUPLES THAT SIT ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE TABLE. This could easily be a post in itself. What the hell is that? Are you really too unstable in your weird, overbearing, constant need for attention relationship that you actually have to half-snuggle throughout your entire meal? Anyone in their right mind would be FACING the person they are having dinner with, having some sort of conversation and acting like normal fucking human beings.

5. People that bring their babies to in n out at 2 in the morning. Okay, I know what you’re going to say. Babies are adorable and in n out is delicious and the combination of the two could only end in happiness, right? Well, okay, I get your point. But the thing is, this is sort of like the white trash mom who smokes cigarettes while holding like 3 kids on her hip at once. Independently, those two things can be really fun! But when you put them together and especially at 2 in the morning, it’s just bad for the kid. I hate to pull the Mama TL card on this one, but put those babies to bed!

6. Anyone that goes to dinner at The Cheesecake factory, ever. Self explanatory.

Hi y’all,

So yesterday as I was sleepily sitting amongst my popsicles, Moishe (always the one to try and start a conversation) blurts out “So there’s a new Bridget Jone’s movie coming out! Excited? We’re excited yes?”

Megan’s and my response, in unison let me add, was something along the lines of “Uuggghhhh.” I was very happy to hear Megs utter the same caveman-esque response to the thought of RZ. Unbeknownst to me we hated Renee Zellwegger for the same reason! Why’s that you ask? Well, to put it shortly, her fucking awful face:

Y’all this is not an altered or doctored photo in any way. HER FACE JUST FUCKING LOOKS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. I can’t even take her seriously in movies that are intended to be serious because I am too distracted by her awful choice of facial expression!!

Another face hater amongst Megs and I is the equally as terrible, Keira Knightley. Would you just look at this please?

Newsflash: you look like a fucking fish. I don’t even know if that can be in a good way but if it can be you are not doing it. You are a perfectly gorgeous hollywood success story you don’t need to “pretend kiss” the invisible mirror in front of you to try and “look sexy.”

I’m gonna start calling this “perpetual mirror face condition” and start a campaign to raise awareness on how to stop this awful fucking trend amongst mediocre hollywood actresses. Revolution has come, time to pick up the gun!!

Special reblog post courtesy of edbury, I give you Trunkettes.

Wow, really? Really? I feel like I say that a lot but come on! What the hell is this! Any of my male friends can attest to this, my outright hatred for board shorts has been a long standing addition to the hated list, even more apparent in the summer months when board shorts are most frequently used. Never in my life did I think I was going to have to quit yelling about dudes wearing board shorts and start yelling about ladies!

Now, I am not one who enjoys being in a swimsuit, no no, but I, like everyone else who has one ounce of (fashion) sense in their pea brains suck it up, suck it in and expose my paste-y self to the world in proper swimsuit attire.

Just a few things about board shorts that burn my behind:

1. You do not under any circumstances need cargo pockets at the beach. You just don’t! What, are you going to start collecting shells or something? If you’ve decided that your new hobby is shell collecting, put them in some sort of tin or box or even (gasp!) a fucking paper bag!

2. I mean, are these seriously the kinds of prints that would make any lady feel confident? I don’t think so. Skulls and polka dots have absolutely NOTHING in common, and the placement merely accentuates the hip region and the clearly awful pockets (see point #1), the last places a lady wants accentuated!

3. This marketing team reaally must’ve been grasping at straws here because there is no distinguishable difference between Trunkettes and “traditional” board shorts. If you must, and believe you me I do not support you in this not even a little, own board shorts, at least avoid ones that have no real purpose whatsoever except to make these reasonably attractive ladies look frumpy.

Dudes. I am back (and how!) and I am ready to rip useless things a new one!

Eraseable pens. Wtf is an eraseable pen other than the most obvious oxymoron short of jumbo shrimp. IF YOU NEED TO ERASE SOMETHING, USE A PENCIL. Seriously, folks. I cannot get over how much I hate the invention of these fucking “pens.” If you’re going to write with pen, you’ve gotta commit, you know what I mean? No wishy washy, “oh noes! I didn’t mean to write that in ink! I sure wish I could erase it!” NOT ALLOWED.

And the darn things don’t even erase well! It just smudges the goopy blue ink all over the place making it look ten times worse. If you really really have to get rid of what you just wrote, scratch it out! Or go to your nearest office depot and pick up one of those new fangled White Out doohickeys. White out came first. And it was doing just fine.

Also, ps, hit me up if you want to guest blog. Let’s keep the hatred of inanimate objects going! Alright!

love, tori

Who is a complete douche bag? Obviously this guy. Okay, in this particular instance it might just be his face, this guy looks like he can’t ever wipe the douche grin off his face. But it really takes a certain type of person to drive around in a truck that looks like it got shot at when really, dude, you’re probably driving your mom’s truck around the suburbs bumping me first and the gimme gimmes. It’s not funny. It’s not clever. It’s not fooling anyone.

I’d definitely put this in the same category as stupid bumper stickers.  Read:

I don’t want to fucking see what you think is funny, bro. I can almost 100% guarantee you that, in reality, not only is it not funny but that it is in no way going to help your chances of getting laid.

Don’t even get me started on this:

To begin, I’d like to start with one of the tried and true most hated pieces of apparel that I have ever encountered, the flip flop. I will grant the flip flop for having some practical uses such as 1. in a pool situation or 2. a dorm bathroom situation where there are potential high risks of getting gross shit on your feet if you dont have some sort of easily flipped or flopped on foot protection.

BUT I must stress not only the complete unimportance but added douche bag-ery that comes with wearing flip flops constantly and/or in fucking WINTER. It’s like, really? You really can’t put on a pair of fucking shoes and socks? Whoever told you that looking like you can’t adequately dress yourself is in any way attractive was dead wrong.

As some of you may know, I have been compiling a list of things, people, styles, attributes, sayings, overall tendencies that I hate with every ounce of my being. The list was started over a year ago but is fairly regularly updated, don’t you worry. I’ve decided to start a brand new tumblog to document all of the items on the list, probably with corresponding pictures, hopefully with a little help from my friends.

Let’s get to it!